Quick and dirty thoughts on Step-Mothering Sunday

We went to church for a bit. It was horrible so we stopped. But we were there one Mother’s Day, and something the vicar said really annoyed me. I didn’t say anything at the time, so I’m saying it now, pointlessly. Well you never know, maybe one day a future vicar will read it and it will prevent another stepmummy (cest moi) getting really annoyed.

There were two stepmums in the audience, and the vicar was at pains to reassure us from the pulpit not to worry, we were included in the celebration cos we still counted because the real name of the day is “Mothering Sunday” not “Mothers day” (a nasty American moniker, he told us) and stepmothers “Do Mothering Too”.

Well, I’d like to say: Thanks But No Thanks (as I hoped gay people were gonna say to the whole “getting married” thing, but turns out they really like it? 😟).

Anyway: stepmothers are not “like mothers”, and we are not “important too”. I don’t wanna be included on Mother’s Day, because I’m not their mother and they’re not confused about that. They have a mother, and that’s one special day a year for that.

If the vicar really wanted to include us, he should have announced a new celebration in that church: from now on, every Sunday after Mothering day would be Stepmothering day, and we can have a separate sermon and separate prayer for us. We have different challenges. Maybe the kids would like to light a candle for me, but maybe they don’t want to do that on Mother’s Day.

So I would like to say: magnanimously including you in your celebration doesn’t make me feel honoured and welcome. It makes me feel you have no idea what you’re talking about cos like all vicars you are desperately out of touch, have probably never known any stepfamilies, and suck at PR. And that you have no understanding of or respect for my unique role in my family. A difficult one, and one which could and should be celebrated.

Step parents don’t get any other day 😢 Xmas, quite often, we don’t even see them, or their birthdays, or ours. We miss all the big stuff, like their first day at school, or the time they got a dolls house and cried, or why if one of them calls another one “Kim Jong Il” they get so angry. When did that become a thing? We don’t hear how their day at school was, we weren’t there when they were born, we don’t know their auntie or granny. We could have one day, where the kids make us our own card, and maybe a present, and don’t feel awkward about it at all, and neither does their mother, cos she has her day, I have mine, and we could go out together and have lunch and that would be really nice. We could get a photo of us together, cos we are never in any photos 😔 Maybe I could get a badge that said “worlds greatest step mum” like mums get. That would make me cry with pride. We could have our own day. And we should have our own day.

My sister always said, I was a great loss to the church, cos I’d make an amazing vicars wife, if only I believed in God (but then, she added pragmatically, you could be Anglican and then it doesn’t really matter 🤣🤣). So weird, that so many vicars really really really suck at people skills and basic PR. You’d think that would be important, for that job. Then again, I also thought you had to be educated, and they’ve let me down badly there in the past, even on biblical matters. I like the female variety better though.


  1. Stepmums get a raw deal. I read you are divorced from their dad now but this doesn’t mean you have to be divorced from them. You were clearly a huge supporter of them and it sounds like they deserve to have you in their lives even without the dad and you having a relationship. Maybe this is part of your divorce agreement already?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Their dad is currently having custody problems, so I’ve taken a back seat there really. Hopefully when he sees them again they can talk it through and if they’d like to see me, of course that would always be my preference. At least our divorce is amicable and we are still friends.


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